Permission to Pause: 3 Small Shifts for a Steady End to the Year

Even Therapists Need a Reset

Let me be real with you: my own October is full. My daughter is in kindergarten this year, and if you've had a kindergartner, you know that comes with a whole new world of school events, notes home, and things to remember. I'm also serving as co-chair of the PTA committee, which brings its own meetings, planning, and follow-ups. And to top it all off, my husband's college homecoming falls on Halloween weekend this year, so we're preparing to travel (Aggie Pride).

All of it is wonderful. I love being involved in my daughter's school, and I'm genuinely excited about homecoming. And it all requires energy. A few weeks ago, I looked at my calendar and felt that familiar tightness in my chest, the one that says, "There's no room left for you in here."

I help people navigate this exact feeling every week in my work, and I still have to remind myself to practice what I preach. So, this post is for both of us.

Why this time of year feels so heavy

If October leaves you feeling drained, there are real reasons behind it, and none of them are a reflection of your worth.

You've been making decisions all year. Every choice, from what's for dinner to how to handle a work conflict, draws on the same mental reserves. Psychologists often describe this as decision fatigue. By fall, many of us are making choices on fumes, which is why even small decisions can start to feel overwhelming.

The year-end scorecard kicks in. As the calendar runs out, our minds naturally start tallying what we did and didn't accomplish. Most of us are far quicker to count the misses than the wins.

Tiredness narrows your focus. When we're depleted, our brains lean toward spotting problems and threats. That means the more tired you are, the more likely you are to see your year through a negative lens, which makes you feel even more tired. It's a cycle, and it's very human.

Here's the hopeful part: you don't need a big overhaul to interrupt that cycle. Small, intentional shifts can create more space than you'd expect. Here are three I'm using myself this month.

Shift 1: Pick your 3

When everything on your list feels urgent, your energy gets split a dozen ways and nothing gets your full attention. Choosing three priorities for the rest of the year gives your mind a clear place to focus and quietly gives you permission to set the rest down.

For me, this fall, my three are being present for my daughter's first year of school, showing up well for my PTA role, and actually enjoying homecoming instead of arriving exhausted. Everything else is welcome, but it's optional.

Try it: Spend 10 minutes on a brain dump. Write every task, goal, and "I really need to" floating around in your head. Then ask yourself:

• Which items would I truly regret not giving my energy to by December 31?

• Which ones am I holding onto out of guilt or habit?

• What would my three look like if I chose them for me, not for anyone else's approval?

If you get stuck: Many high achievers find that all three priorities end up being about work or other people. If that's you, notice it without judgment, and consider swapping one out for something that fills your own tank.

Shift 2: Schedule rest first

Most of us treat rest like leftovers: whatever time remains after everyone else is taken care of. The problem is that in a season like this one, there are no leftovers. School events, meetings, travel, and holiday plans will gladly fill every open space.

So flip the order. Before the calendar fills up, protect a few blocks of time for recovery, and treat them like any other appointment. When I looked at my own October, I blocked off the evening after each PTA meeting and the Monday after we get back from homecoming. Those are non-negotiable now.

Try it: Use the S.E.L.F. framework from The Journal Journey to choose activities that genuinely restore you:

• Specific: What exactly will you do, when, and for how long?

• Energizing: Does it leave you with more energy than when you started?

• Loving: Does it feel kind to yourself?

• Fun: Does it bring you any joy or playfulness?

Pick two or three activities that check most of those boxes and put them on your calendar for the next two weeks.

If you get stuck: If resting brings up guilt, you're not alone. It can help to remember that rest isn't time taken away from the people who need you. It's how you keep showing up for them without running empty.

Shift 3: Rewrite one "should"

Remember the year-end scorecard? "Should" is its favorite word. It sounds like accountability, but it usually lands as shame, and shame rarely gives us the energy to change anything.

The stories we tell about our lives shape how we experience them. Two people can have nearly identical years and feel completely different about them, depending on which details they focus on and how they frame them. You can't change what happened this year, but you can change the story you're telling about it.

Try it: Write down three "shoulds" you've been carrying. Then, for each one:

1. Read it out loud and notice where you feel it in your body.

2. List what you actually did in that area this year, even the small things.

3. Rewrite the statement so it includes both what you did and what you're choosing next.

For example, "I should be more organized" might become "I've kept a lot of moving pieces going this year, and I'm choosing one system to simplify this month."

If you get stuck: If the rewrite feels fake, make it smaller. You don't have to jump to something glowing. A statement that's simply fair and accurate is often more powerful than one that's positive.

A gentler way to close out the year

I'll be honest: I won't do all of this perfectly. There will be weeks when the PTA emails pile up, the kindergarten folder comes home with three new forms, and my rest block gets moved. That's okay. The goal isn't a flawless finish. It's to move through these last few months with a little more breathing room and a lot more kindness toward yourself.

Start with whichever shift feels easiest. Give it a week. Then add another.

If you'd like a little structure, The Journal Journey is coming back on Monday, October 5. It's my free weekly journaling program: every Monday this month, you'll get a prompt and an affirmation that walk you through these shifts one at a time. You can join by signing up for The Journal Journey here: Journal Journey | EJ Counseling

I'd love to know which shift you're trying first. Share it in the comments or come say hi on Instagram at @ericadoesselfcare.